Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
