i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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