She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
