I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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