he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
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She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
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I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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