This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
