It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
