His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
