i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
