I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
