I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
