I just threw up on my dentist
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
