6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
