I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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