I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
