oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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