I'm gonna have a badass scar
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
