I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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