You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
