I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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