tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
