I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
