tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
