drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
only you would photoshop your dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
