Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
