Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
