Yo dont text me then not text me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
