I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
