I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Congratulations! We have a period
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
