i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
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I want her autograph on my taint
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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