idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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