He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
