just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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