I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
