oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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