Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
