taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
