so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's shark week go big or go home
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
