he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
