I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Someone signed my nipple.
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