I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
