hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I supernannyed him into submission
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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