At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
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Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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