The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
