drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
