We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
