Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
