as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
