? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
