You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
