just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize