I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
