You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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