SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
