Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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