Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
