After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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