you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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