I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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