Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
