I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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