You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize