I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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