He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
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