Non-Jews are for practice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
