My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
