Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
