Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
