you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
